Dilemmas of a Teenage Ninja
by Heather Cat
Summary: Yuffie muses on the person that she loves to hate. Random March break fluff.


Dilemmas of a Teenage Ninja 

            The guy drives me crazy. Up the wall, around the bend, makes me want to jump out of a window crazy. There's just something about him that is so infuriating. Everything he does screams "Yuffie, the sole reason I was put on this earth is to annoy you!" I know what you're thinking and no, this is not my typical overreaction. Some days I swear his goal in life is to see me personally into the nearest nut house. Why else would he put me through the kinds of things he does? It's not enough for him to call me 'pest' and 'brat', no not him. He's got to comment on my hair, my clothes, my friends, my attitude, whatever! Well, if you're so perfect why don't you just leave me alone in peace? You heard me! Go! Depart! Vamoose! Skiddadle! (Skiddadle…? Must be hanging 'round Cloud too much.) But seriously though, why won't you just leave?

            …Maybe it's 'cause you know I don't want you to. Or, more likely, you're a sadistic loser that loves torturing me. Either way.

            I think it's probably the way he singles me out for every one of his cutting comments. If I had self-confidence issues I might be in serious trouble. I can just see him standing there, the picture of nonchalance and bad posture. He'll lean over slightly, with that stupid smirk, his eyes only half open but a brighter aqua then anything else you'll ever see. His hair is tied back in a sloppy ponytail so that his sunglasses do a better job of holding it back than the actual elastic, and his blue suit has more wrinkles in it than my, Tifa and Cloud's wardrobes combined. Yeah, that's him alright. Just thinking about it makes me want to strangle him.

            From the first time I saw him he's gotten on more than my nerves. I remember that day when Cloud, Naki and I came across them, just outside of Gongaga. He was just standing there, leaning nonchalantly against some rocks in his 'I'm-ever-so-much-cooler-than-thou' pose. There was something about his lopsided grin even then that made me want to give him a black eye; not to mention all the things Tifa and Cloud had told me about the Turks. 

            The second he opened his mouth I knew I was going to have to kill him. His lazy drawl and easy smile just about made my hair stand on end. This was something I'd never come across before; charisma, I've heard it called. The way he talked about us, all the hints I caught in his voice when he joked about Tifa and the way he casually avoided talking about who he liked (not to mention the weird feeling in my stomach at that point)… Oh yeah, he was going to have to die.

            So what does a girl do when confronted with someone like that? Kick his ass of course! Natural reaction, I'm afraid. So that's just what I did, helped just a little by His Spikeyness and Red. Heh. Yeah. I don't take none from nobody. Well, at least I didn't until HE started hanging around. You hear me Reno!? Come just a bit closer and I'll make sure you get a repeat of that first performance. There isn't anybody who can mess with Yuffie Kisaragi if she decides to take you down. And believe me, Turkey, you've been a few million pegs too high since day one.

            So why do you do it, then? An even better question is why do I put up with it!? I mean, I hate you, right…? RIGHT!? Oh, just shut up. NOW. 

            I know, I know. I just can't help it, okay!? Tifa and the others have all told me that it's bad to hang around with you guys, and I know they're right, but… Yeah, but. I'm a butt-whooping ninja, but this time there's no way to avoid it. See… when you're around it's like, Gawd, the whole world just seems to spin around ya'. Sometimes I'd like to smack you until you see the same thing, but that's just my point. I hate the way you tease me and I hate the way you treat me like a kid and I hate the way I always want you to be around and I hate the way I get all nervous and Tifa-like when someone mentions you're coming by and I hate… Okay. Deep breathe now Yuffie, come on.

            Anyway. I'm a ninja and I've made up my mind. Next time I see that amazingly annoying face of yours, spinning sidekick! Woopah! Then we'll see whose laughing last, huh, Turkey? Hehehe… I'd like to see the look on your face then.

            Well me and my brilliant self are kind of running low on ideas right now, so you're probably off the hook for a while. But I'm no perfect princess, though my dad wishes I was, so don't expect me to let you off so easily. You're gonna pay for making me want to kiss you, and even if I don't know how yet, believe me when I say I'm gonna relish every moment of it. When the smokin' ninja is out for revenge, watch out!

            And maybe if I can quit with this stupid inner monologue, I'll be able to think of something to do to get you out of my head. See, you're cutting into serious stealing time when I could be hatching cunning plans to get all the materia in the world!

            Well, mister I'm-too-good-looking-and-smart-and-sexy-and-everything, I guess only time can tell where this is gonna go. Maybe someday, if we haven't given each other irreparable damage and head trauma I'll find a way to tell you exactly what I think of you. I think that somewhere before and after I kiss ya' I'm going to have to draw on some of Cid's more colorful vocabulary. Yes… I think I definitely am.

**A/N –** As I said, just some random March Break feel-good fluff. It makes me happy. ^_^


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